The new chapter

This is a purging blog, a blog to shed away all of the things I've been talking about and to begin again. I'll start by wrapping it all up.......
   Todd left at 3:45am. We had a splendid evening with the works-- a beautiful room at the Radisson Hotel, room service, the whole bit. I could not have asked for a better final evening with him. We got to talk and laugh and just be. We had a few moments when we would hear a noise and both stop to "listen for the baby", then would simultaneously laugh at the other person. I LOVE how Todd and I operate, we are seamless even when we differ. We are absolutely not a perfect couple; instead, we are a couple who has built our foundation on Faith, mutual respect and love. I believe that to be our magical recipe for marital happiness (pardon the little hearts swirling above my head, I know I'm being disgustingly cute but just let me gush a bit.). I think that the great difficulty I'm going to have in all of this separation will be the process of un-weaving Todd from my every day life. He is in everything. We wake up together, eat together, watch TV, play with the baby, brush our teeth, grocery shop, attend church, laugh, play games, etc, etc, etc,-- I really could go on forever. I'm so afraid of bitter loneliness without him. The thing is, I'm not afraid of loneliness itself; it is the type of loneliness you feel when you just know that part of you is somewhere else.
    That being said, I am so so grateful for all of you who have offered your advise, support, and love through this process thus far. I am so happy to have a barrage of babysitting volunteers, of free meals, of general (and generous) donations of your time to me. I know that, if it were up to you, I would never be lonely, always be fed, and constantly be given attention to. Please know that I will probably take you up on it at some time but please remember who I am. I am a hermit, I am socially awkward, and I am a control freak. There will be days that I don't want anyone touching my kid--even as I am frazzled by him; there will be days that I decline your offers to visit; and there will certainly be days when I decline your food (even though it is DELICIOUS!)-- but weight watchers works people! :) Remember that I LOVE YOU! --and don't take it personally.
   Alright, on to the new. Here are my goals:
          1. Be healthy! Continue with weight watchers and the gym-- Oh, have I mentioned that I lost 5 pound in a WEEK?! Woot!
          2. Be positive :) Todd is doing what he needs to do and what he needs (and I do too) is to know that I am okay and I am happy. Meditate, enjoy nature, paint, read. Remember to do these things that make me happy.
          3. Accept help and be gracious. I can't do everything all of the time. I will reach out to people when I feel hopeless, frustrated, or sad. I will remember to say thank you! (A side note, if you have helped me and I didn't say thank you, I am sorry! I have a terrible habit of it but I am ALWAYS thankful for the help!!!)
          4. Trust in God. I will always trust Him. I will be an active member in our church. Most importantly, when I feel weak, I will pray; when I feel strong, I will pray.


     Thank you for reading this (very) lengthy blog. And, again, thank you for supporting us Reynolds' We love you! :)