So, I have a phrase with my family and friends that we say whenever we feel like a prayer has been answered or something has gone "right"; we say, "It's a God thing." Today I had one of those moments.
I had just finished my day at work and was driving and just feeling profoundly sad. I was really missing Todd and was not feeling like a good parent, and some other things I'll not mention so I did what I always do when I feel helpless-- I prayed. And, man, I was praying my heart out, I was offering it all up to Him. I was asking Him to take it on for me. And, at the end of my prayer I simply was asking, "Help me."
Well, no sooner had I uttered those words then my friend Amberlie texted me and wanted to know about some plans we had for the evening. She was looking forward to seeing me and had food for dinner, etc. She came over and we had a great time. We laughed and ate and just had amazing friend time.
Now I'm nearly in tears again, only these are tears that are coming from a different place in my heart. I've never had a prayer answered IMMEDIATELY before. I was reminded of the scene in Bruce Almighty when Bruce is asking for a sign and God sends a truck full of signs whizzing right past his car. Only, I had the joy of immediately recognizing it. Praise God!!!
God also did something else for me today-- he sent me the fellowship and companionship of another sister. I mean, I've been married to Todd for almost a year now so Jo has been my sister for a while. We've had great talks before but since I've been staying here she and I have really sealed in that bond that one can only have with a sister. It's been so refreshing to talk with a teenager who has such a heart for service. She is an amazing soul with insights far beyond and deeper than the regular high school Bieber-Kesha soul-less frights that society is turning out today.
So I've learned, and really realized today, that you can never have too many sisters!!!! And also, that God is right here with me, helping and supporting me every day. <3
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The new chapter
This is a purging blog, a blog to shed away all of the things I've been talking about and to begin again. I'll start by wrapping it all up.......
Todd left at 3:45am. We had a splendid evening with the works-- a beautiful room at the Radisson Hotel, room service, the whole bit. I could not have asked for a better final evening with him. We got to talk and laugh and just be. We had a few moments when we would hear a noise and both stop to "listen for the baby", then would simultaneously laugh at the other person. I LOVE how Todd and I operate, we are seamless even when we differ. We are absolutely not a perfect couple; instead, we are a couple who has built our foundation on Faith, mutual respect and love. I believe that to be our magical recipe for marital happiness (pardon the little hearts swirling above my head, I know I'm being disgustingly cute but just let me gush a bit.). I think that the great difficulty I'm going to have in all of this separation will be the process of un-weaving Todd from my every day life. He is in everything. We wake up together, eat together, watch TV, play with the baby, brush our teeth, grocery shop, attend church, laugh, play games, etc, etc, etc,-- I really could go on forever. I'm so afraid of bitter loneliness without him. The thing is, I'm not afraid of loneliness itself; it is the type of loneliness you feel when you just know that part of you is somewhere else.
That being said, I am so so grateful for all of you who have offered your advise, support, and love through this process thus far. I am so happy to have a barrage of babysitting volunteers, of free meals, of general (and generous) donations of your time to me. I know that, if it were up to you, I would never be lonely, always be fed, and constantly be given attention to. Please know that I will probably take you up on it at some time but please remember who I am. I am a hermit, I am socially awkward, and I am a control freak. There will be days that I don't want anyone touching my kid--even as I am frazzled by him; there will be days that I decline your offers to visit; and there will certainly be days when I decline your food (even though it is DELICIOUS!)-- but weight watchers works people! :) Remember that I LOVE YOU! --and don't take it personally.
Alright, on to the new. Here are my goals:
1. Be healthy! Continue with weight watchers and the gym-- Oh, have I mentioned that I lost 5 pound in a WEEK?! Woot!
2. Be positive :) Todd is doing what he needs to do and what he needs (and I do too) is to know that I am okay and I am happy. Meditate, enjoy nature, paint, read. Remember to do these things that make me happy.
3. Accept help and be gracious. I can't do everything all of the time. I will reach out to people when I feel hopeless, frustrated, or sad. I will remember to say thank you! (A side note, if you have helped me and I didn't say thank you, I am sorry! I have a terrible habit of it but I am ALWAYS thankful for the help!!!)
4. Trust in God. I will always trust Him. I will be an active member in our church. Most importantly, when I feel weak, I will pray; when I feel strong, I will pray.
Thank you for reading this (very) lengthy blog. And, again, thank you for supporting us Reynolds' We love you! :)
Todd left at 3:45am. We had a splendid evening with the works-- a beautiful room at the Radisson Hotel, room service, the whole bit. I could not have asked for a better final evening with him. We got to talk and laugh and just be. We had a few moments when we would hear a noise and both stop to "listen for the baby", then would simultaneously laugh at the other person. I LOVE how Todd and I operate, we are seamless even when we differ. We are absolutely not a perfect couple; instead, we are a couple who has built our foundation on Faith, mutual respect and love. I believe that to be our magical recipe for marital happiness (pardon the little hearts swirling above my head, I know I'm being disgustingly cute but just let me gush a bit.). I think that the great difficulty I'm going to have in all of this separation will be the process of un-weaving Todd from my every day life. He is in everything. We wake up together, eat together, watch TV, play with the baby, brush our teeth, grocery shop, attend church, laugh, play games, etc, etc, etc,-- I really could go on forever. I'm so afraid of bitter loneliness without him. The thing is, I'm not afraid of loneliness itself; it is the type of loneliness you feel when you just know that part of you is somewhere else.
That being said, I am so so grateful for all of you who have offered your advise, support, and love through this process thus far. I am so happy to have a barrage of babysitting volunteers, of free meals, of general (and generous) donations of your time to me. I know that, if it were up to you, I would never be lonely, always be fed, and constantly be given attention to. Please know that I will probably take you up on it at some time but please remember who I am. I am a hermit, I am socially awkward, and I am a control freak. There will be days that I don't want anyone touching my kid--even as I am frazzled by him; there will be days that I decline your offers to visit; and there will certainly be days when I decline your food (even though it is DELICIOUS!)-- but weight watchers works people! :) Remember that I LOVE YOU! --and don't take it personally.
Alright, on to the new. Here are my goals:
1. Be healthy! Continue with weight watchers and the gym-- Oh, have I mentioned that I lost 5 pound in a WEEK?! Woot!
2. Be positive :) Todd is doing what he needs to do and what he needs (and I do too) is to know that I am okay and I am happy. Meditate, enjoy nature, paint, read. Remember to do these things that make me happy.
3. Accept help and be gracious. I can't do everything all of the time. I will reach out to people when I feel hopeless, frustrated, or sad. I will remember to say thank you! (A side note, if you have helped me and I didn't say thank you, I am sorry! I have a terrible habit of it but I am ALWAYS thankful for the help!!!)
4. Trust in God. I will always trust Him. I will be an active member in our church. Most importantly, when I feel weak, I will pray; when I feel strong, I will pray.
Thank you for reading this (very) lengthy blog. And, again, thank you for supporting us Reynolds' We love you! :)
Location: Paradise, Ca.
Sacramento, CA, USA
Monday, January 17, 2011
And away he goes....
Well, Todd left today and won't return to Paradise until June. I am going to meet him in Sacramento tomorrow at the Radisson Hotel where the MEPS center is for his final night in California. He feels really good about it and I think that I do too; though I did feel a pang of sadness though as he said his goodbyes to Rowan. It's just that Rowan will be so different when Todd gets back. He'll be crawling or walking, talking, he will look different and act differently. I'm so worried that he won't recognize him, I don't want it to hurt Todd. I couldn't imagine having to miss all of the things that Todd will. I'm so proud of him, so proud of the sacrifices he's making to better our family-- I married very well.
On a different note, business is booming! I've had continued work even past Christmas and people are still lining up orders. It feels so great to excel at something!!! I've begun reading more about entrepreneurship and am thinking about expanding my work to the internet by way of Etsy. I'm still in the development stages but it's all so exciting :) Hopefully, I will be able to upload some pictures of my work here but in the meantime, you can check out some of my things at: www.facebook.com/jenareynolds. Happy crocheting!!!
On a different note, business is booming! I've had continued work even past Christmas and people are still lining up orders. It feels so great to excel at something!!! I've begun reading more about entrepreneurship and am thinking about expanding my work to the internet by way of Etsy. I'm still in the development stages but it's all so exciting :) Hopefully, I will be able to upload some pictures of my work here but in the meantime, you can check out some of my things at: www.facebook.com/jenareynolds. Happy crocheting!!!
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